LinCaya.M

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Mbabane, Hhohho, Swaziland
I am just another kid on the blog, trying to share my feelings with the world. i write about anything that comes to mind. Life has so much to give and too many lessons to teach. We learn, note & get inspired...NO POLITICS HERE SORRY!!!

Monday, 9 December 2013

The deserted Makoti (Bride)....life stories

The deserted Makoti(Bride)


It’s every girls dream to have a perfect wedding and a perfect man who would take care of everything and she would be the gorgeous wife satisfying him and leading a great fairy tale life.

My Background……

Being raised in a closely knit Christian family, my mom devoted in prayers and Dad following her. Well, my family is somewhat traditional; we are members of a Chiefdom, Dad did not believe in a working wife so mum was a house wife and raised all four of us; two handsome boys and two gorgeous girls.

Coming from such a middle class family, my dad was successful, my brothers are successful and the two young girls who are still searching for life with me being the eldest.

Seeing myself through my parents lenses…

Obviously being the eldest daughter and raised “perfectly” you are expected or it’s a must to keep those principles and wait for that man who is prescribed as “stable”… Good job, good family/background, Christian values…Well not forgetting he should be loving.

As I finished my High School/Matric I considered University and explored other opportunities. My dad had wanted me to follow in his footsteps and study accounting but then I had discovered my other passion, radiology. My passion and desires were put on hold and accounting I studied, while I was employed and getting paid really good.

My Small Secret…..

At this time, I had already been in a long relationship of 7 years. This was my small secret . There was no sex, no spending of time in closed doors and my guy was shy but loving or so I thought he was. He was my high school sweetheart. He had already introduced me to his parents, they all loved me. As time went on, he proposed, I introduced him to my family and then our journey began.

Our Journey…

My siblings were not as supportive and it was expected, here are the reasons; his family was classified as low class, his standards were lower than mine, he did not have a good job and “I was too good for him.” through their eyes I deserved the best of the best.  I knew all these things, I won’t lie but I loved him regardless, that is love right? Loving a person unconditionally. During our engagement party my elder brother disappeared he just could not sit there and pretend to enjoy it.

I was so stressed I failed my exams. I decided to take a break from school until I was settled. Little did I know that more drama was coming my way.

Months passed by and It was lobola time (paying dowry). At this time he was staying in Soweto (South Africa) and I was based in Swaziland full time. We had planned how we wanted our Lobola to go and everything was confirmed including his arrival time in Swaziland. This event usually lasts the whole weekend, Friday to Sunday but my family decided on a one day event to be held on Saturday. I spent my Friday on the phone checking where he was and just to know if he would make it on time since the border closed at 10pm. Everything was in place, he told me he had already left Johannesburg and those were good news for me. At 10pm sharp I called him and his phone rang, this got me worried. I called his house and I was told he has not arrived. I gave him some time thinking maybe he was delayed at the border and then tried it again, this time it’s around 10:45pm and it rang with no answer and then switched off around 12am. His family confirmed he has not arrived but scheduled to come later in the day (Saturday) as soon as umkhenyana (groom) arrives.

It was a sunny Saturday, family members were flooding our home with joy written all over their faces. On the other side I am waiting impatiently for one phone call to save my life from this hell I was going through. In the morning I tried calling his mobile it was off, I thought to myself maybe it was a good sign. Maybe he has crossed the border and was on his way home to change and join his family on the way to Lobola.

Hours passed and there was no sign of “umkhenyana.” It dawn to me that I have been deserted by the love of my life. His phone was off, he did not call his family or cancel the arrangements. Previous day, the SABC broadcast (South African) a strike at Bree street (taxi rank) and that was his way out, well according to my assumptions (either caught in-between going to his place or coming home). At around lunch time, I had to inform my family that I had been left in the wild, the man of the house disappeared on me, I was in tears and could not take it. Everyone pitied me and went back.

Please take me back

I was made a fool. It was like I was pinned up for everyone to see, my community laughed at me. I felt I brought shame to the most respected household in my community. There was no way I could stay in that community, I closed myself in, stopped going to church and I saw death. My health deteriorated and I experienced severe heart problems.

7 years later, I still do not have an explanation of what really happened or an apology. However, his family did apologize on his behalf but for my heart and soul that was just not enough, I needed more.

Right now I can only assume that his self-esteem was low, he measured his life against mine so he felt inferior and that he didn’t deserve me. He might have felt that everyone else was right, I was too good for him and then he drank heavily. I mean this is the only thing that makes sense right now as it once came out in our debates, he felt he did not deserve me and wanted to know what I saw in him. There was just no way I could have taken him back and I am sure he was too ashamed to approach me and explain because of the shame and the unbearable pain he caused me.  This just proved how listening to the outside world and not your intuition can divert you from your destiny to another world you would regret in the end.

Moving on.

I have tried to move on and focus on me more and the happier side of life. I found new friends and a new purpose to life. I enrolled back in school and built myself up to a more focused beautiful lady again. My love life though is not as exciting, I would blame my past for it. I fail to trust, hold on for longer and I am just bored most of the time. Everything just looks the same for me.

I must admit though, my life is exciting and I am doing great. I am employed full time with a good pay and I have decided to take the career woman route (the one guys classify as the independent woman who has everything, focuses on work and man are intimidated by her success).it really does not matter much, I will find my superman one day.

And by the way guess what… after all the drama. 2 years down the line I bump into “Mr Man” in Mbabane (Swaziland’s capital city), he froze for a moment “wow, you look good”…those were his words as I passed him.

Of course I look good what did you think would happen?

“to love someone is to understand each other, to laugh together, to smile with your heart and to trust one another. One important thing is to let each other go if you can’t do this” – source unknown

3 comments:

  1. I know this is personal but i just had to share with you. Imight not be the only one who faced such.


    Just keep your head high.

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  2. Thank you for sharing your story - it is brave of you to put it out there and I hope it was a healing experience to write it out. I came across your blog while doing a Google search on makoti in Swaziland because I'm doing my Masters research on the topic. I lived in Swaziland for a couple years and I keep going back to visit. I'm coming in March to do research - I want to look at what it means to be a 'good' makoti (the qualities, attributes, expectations) and how this has changed over time. I've got a handful of young women and makes I'm going to speak to but I thought I'd ask if you're willing to talk to me too? If so, please email me - monahakimi@gmail.com. Thanks!

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    Replies
    1. Hi Mona, i will keep in touch with you through email. Thank you for sharing some love.

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