So i have been away nursing some wounds for the past three months. i did not have the energy to write or motivation to open this page. thank you though for the love i have been receiving from you all my readers.
today i just wanted to share some moments that almost broke me. From turning my stones into bread to spoiled bread that i could not eat anymore. We met on twitter, we started sending each other direct messages, i knew him but he has not met me. we exchanged numbers and ended up meeting. He is a marketer and a basket ball player. i loved his dark skin, his height and the way i felt around him. It felt so real and he was over protective of me. The connection was so real and it felt like we had met each other for a longer time. We were so playful, enjoyed events together and loved each other deeply. His mum met me by accident and we laughed it off and i was introduced as a friend and i did not have a problem with that as it was too soon.
Our 1st month together.....
a couple of days went by, we still stole kisses at his mums...yes he stayed with his mum who traveled a lot so he had to move in to keep things in order. The mum was sick, we took it lightly thinking it was something that would pass. three days after meeting his mum by accident i was told she was in hospital suffering from a minor heart problem. I would remind him to go check on mum before going home, bring her food and all that and he would report back to me. With mum away i decided to sneak in and keep him company, so on the Friday, we met, went dancing and then back to the house. He called mum to tell her he loved her and she asked "baby who are you with"and he loved and told her he was alone in the house watching tv...she laughed and said he knew he was lying i was with him...they both laughed and sent each other kisses.
on Saturday,we are still house seating and enjoying each others company. Later on during the day we had to go check on his mum. We had to use my car since the uncles wanted to go and she had requested for some things she would use at hospital so we brought all those things, the car was full. when we go there the whole family was there to say their prayers. Again i was introduced as a friend and everyone smiled. We all stayed up for a long time and we were chased by the nurses to go as "their" patient needed to rest. Everyone said their goodbyes, he kissed mum on the forehead and told her he loved her and so she did the same. On the way back to the house, she called from her hospital bed and asked us not to go anywhere else but home. We respected her and drove back to the house and brought our wine and cooked dinner, it was no big deal after all it was cold and we had gone dancing the previous night. We went to sleep planning our sunday visit to the hospital.
Sunday morning, around 9am i woke up and found him already up. He had called his mum and there was no answer. His phone rang, "it's mum", he says. "hi dear" it was the doctor. "i noticed a missed call and i decided to call back, your mum can't talk right now." Thee Doctor said requesting him to drive to the hospital. I felt a cold breeze brushing through my hair, we stared at each other for a second. I could tell what he was thinking and i just had to change that thought "she can't be dead, we were with her last night and she was laughing with us" i told him. We did not have time to bath, we grabbed our clothes and drove off to hospital. it was still drizzling and i told him, i did not think it was right for me to go see the Doctor with him as it was now a family/personal matter but if needs me to go with him i will go or he could text me to come up if there was a need. I gave him a hug and a kiss. i stayed in the car, my mind was off thinking what was happening in the doctors office.
15 minutes went by and i texted asking him what was going on, "mum is gone"he responded. I rushed up to the ward, found him sober, he was not crying. he was sitting in a chair making calls to relatives to come to the hospital telling them he would wait for them. I could say anything, i froze. I had never experienced such in my life, i just stood there staring at him. He asked me to pack the things we brought the other night to the car. I did just that, packed away everything. i went up again to fetch the last batch of blankets and together we walk out leaving the body there for other family members to view it before going to morgue. On our way back he broke down fell on his knees and cried out sooo loud, i could not help it. I held him tight and we bought cried. i asked that we go sit in the car, so i held him tight and led him to the car.
On our way, his aunts saw us and they asked what has happened, the parking was filled with wailing and screaming. As the neutral person i didn't know who to comfort or what to do at that moment. I am crying myself telling them how sorry i was and asking them to sit down or drink water or breathe.... i was totally clueless. The situating died down a bit and everyone went up to view the body held a mini meeting and a meeting was to be held at home later that evening. I drove down with him and everyone else followed. I just could not leave him in that position, he was the only child and did not have any one else for support. In that meeting i was asked to move in during the period and he also asked that i move in with him for support and i agreed. i fetched most of my clothes and stayed in. The family prepared for the funeral and i was there through out everything. The mum was cremated and we collected the ashes and put them in her bedroom. Visitors would still come through and appreciated my presence. it felt like the right thing to do although i was loosing my mind myself. You know every morning he would wake up and sit alone, cry and i had to be strong and be there. He would normally thank me each morning for being there and kiss me on the forehead. He appreciated me so much and everyone could see that we were on fire.
Our Second Month together....
When we started our second month, i asked to move out of his family house as he was making good progress. He was still in mourning and did not attend any parties or events...Just this one time when i asked him to be my partner at an event closer to his home and he agreed.
There was another project launch that unfortunately i had to attend on my own and he knew about it so i would update him on what was going on. he stayed up chatting with me, asking what i was drinking, who was with me and i spotted some of his friends so i would take random pictures and send him. As the night went by, i went to greet some of his friends as i saw them leaving and they shoved me into the car. I was surprised and told them i was not leaving but just saying hello since i saw them. they made their advances and told me i could not be proud to even mention my boyfriends name, he was a player and a dj...who trusts djs, I should just hop into the car and go have fun with them and he slapped my ass. The act got me angry and i walked away and sent my boyfriend a message that i was coming over.
I got there and found him waiting, all this happened at 5am. I asked him which friend he trusted the most and which friend would tell me the truth about his life. he said "John"* guess what the same John* he was mentioning is the same guy who slapped my butt and told me he was a player. I told him what has happened and told him since he said John* was his main guy then i guess all he said was true and besides he was a dj so he should go with the other girls as i was too good for that kind of set up, told him i would rather be alone. He was so angry, called the friend who obviously denied everything unfortunately all i said that day had already been said and there was no looking back for me. He was leaving for a workshop in another country and said we would talk when he got back. he told me he had a fight with the friends and he beat them up because he could not understand why he wanted to ruin our relationship and said he needed a break from us so that he could think, i overreacted and i was rude to him.
the month went by we were not talking, he was still mourning and didn't have me to support him now. we were not texting each other but i would go check on him. i promised myself i would check on him til he was fine. Every time i checked on him he would be cold towards and remind of the fight. I was starting to get used to it because it was a reminder every time we were together..
1 month into our fight...
i had left some of my clothes at his place so i asked him to bring them. He had an early meeting but promised to pass by my work place. he came in early and i stepped out. He smiled and told me i look good. My heart was like "hell yeah...obviously" lol. i thanked him for my clothes and walked away. he called me back and asked if i was still angry with him. i told him the last time i checked he was angry at me for telling him his friends wanted to bite my cocchie. He said that was a lie and i wished him a great day as i walked away.
The second month passed by and we were not getting any better. Lastly he sent me a message and told me he can no longer be with someone who doesn't trust him or be with someone who will judge him based on the business that he is doing. He asked that we end the relationship properly as it was not healthy and he was still mourning his mum, he cannot take another stress. So i agreed and told him i accepted his proposal.
Three months down the line, i had not moved on, enjoying some time floating with my friends. We were invited to a beach party and guess what, the brother is there enjoying his time with his friends. i was looking fly as always..i mean hey it was a beach party, there's men there hahaha. I saw him and pretended i didn't and just passed, i was going to my car. "Lincaya" he called out, i looked back "oh hey"... "you just passed me like a stranger?" i was like well i didn't see you or even if i did, i see no point of me smiling and waving. He grabbed and kissed me. That was shocking. so he told me he did that purposely, i gave a fake smile and then walked straight to my car, took my drinks and went back to dance.
He was on the same dance floor i was on, my friends didn't notice him so we continued dancing. When we were leaving, he followed us and called out for me so i waited. He told me he was leaving as well and asked that we go together to his home. i refused and told him i had my sister waiting up for me in the house. i accompanied him to his car and i asked him "what is this" meaning what is it he was doing and to my surprise he responded "this is us trying to work things out." "by kissing and not addressing issues" that's me asking so he responds and says he is sorry for everything. He knows he has neglected me, he is still mourning his mum and does not have time to check on me, his job is also keeping him busy.
We spoke for longer hours and his last words were he knows he has hurt me and he could not leave without me but if i have moved on ( of which i had not) it would hurt him badly. I told him he needed to think about what he was saying and then come back to me with a clear answer because i could not kiss an ex hoping we were working things out yet i would be a booty call...He apologize and said he loved me a lot and was afraid to loose me at the same time needed me to hang in there until he was fine enough to give me attention. He felt any lady who would be patient with him in such a situation then she was to be kept. This shows me that he knew the situation and somehow regretted it happened like that, i guess he was not the only one, i know somehow i overreacted judging him with his friends and the dj thing....So all this is happening three months later.
Now its been five months and guess what social media is a bitch sometimes. He posted a picture of his new girlfriend on Instagram. Little did he know that i bought a new phone and i was on Instagram, i saw people wishing him well and he was happy with his "ride or die." His things are still in my house, he never came for them.
Little did brother here know that i have moved on and waiting for him to heal. Now the problem would be my guy discovering his things that i hid in the closet so deep. My next step is to send him a message "we need to talk," i'll pack his things and deliver them and let him know i have moved on. I will not mention his pictures in social media no..i'm smarter.
Imagine burying your mum in law, being introduced to the family, the pain and support. Giving your all and then receive such bad treatment and fail to address issues. I had been in pain praying for things to get better, i saw myself spending my future with him and we had bigger plans. Hanging on to something that is not there. Seeing someone enjoy their lives and leave you hanging.
To this day, I keep thinking about the trauma and the drama. the attitude i have been receiving after serving him and his family. Although forgetting may be hard but i have to move on and forget about everything that has happened. His family loves me and i won't deny them the opportunity to talk to me as their daughter.I had invested so much emotionally and the attachments that i had with them. The moving in together made it worse even. We were behaving like a little family with no kids yet. We were picture perfect and that picture now has been torn apart, burnt and buried.
I had never experienced such treatment in my life. In a relationship people fight, they talk about it and move on. But in this one we fought and broke up which was a shame. I told myself two can play that game if men wanna play il be done before they even start but hey that is not the rule of life. I respect myself and my brand so i will keep things clean.
My days are clearly getting better.